Career and Humanity

A few post about my past.. maybe a post on my current and future...

Hahaha.. i also dunno..

actually there is really to post here.. But pro and cons.. as they will lots to reflect back once i post.. Do i really wan to reflect myself to look at the reality that i am trying to hide.

Unanswered..

Anyway.. my current career... really a big change.. I do not know correct or wrong.. nor there is an opportunity for me to look back or stop and consider..

I always think not to think much and go on.. cause i know there is so much there is pulling me back and not letting me a chance to consider a yes or no.. Cause i am not willing to be force to that extreme..

And i know if i do.. A "NO" i hurt plenty of people.. I hurt myself and yet the one that i always hope I not too.. "Her"..

But this does not stop from thinking what i am really doing.. I try very hard to get the answer i cant. I try find the answer from my boss my superior.. but unfortunately.. and most surprise.. no answer from them.. They also DUNNO.. So does that mean a real problem!!! I really do not want to answer.. I am hopeless..

Things are challenging here in my career.. i am not sure whether am i just working or building a career or am i put everything on table to gamble...I have nno idea.. I obviously know i am LOSt.. Lost with no returns..

Working environment changess, working authorities and working pattern change.. More and more i realize is not who i am.. or what and who i wish i am.. Environment and social impact.. I need to adapt to survive.. I do not like myself to be like that.. I hope i can be myself.. but things are telling me i cant... Everyday to work, is like putting ur mask..

Really different, work with her i feel so relax and i can be myself.. but to work with him.. I jsut need to pretend and continue pretending to be someone he want me to be.. And for a simple reason, i need to continue waht i am doing was because i need to do it for her as she need to rely on him..

So, there is no more excuses to be argue but to be what it is...

She have faith on me.. She help me a lot.. She teach me a lot.. and think highly on me.. If i ever fall I know she will be deeply saddened and upset.. So how can i hurt her even once!!!

Delifrance Malaysia

It had been about half a year that i left this place... But unfortunately the pain does not heal yet till today... and i am going to put this down here hoping that i will put down this as how i put down them in letter here...

A place that i serve the longest at this moment of my career... A place that i learn a lot.. learn to be aggresive, learn about politics, learn from real colleagues.. Learn about different area of work, learn about respect and learn about craps that all around..

Most important the last few months i left, i learn about how real politics can be and how peope react against power and humanity.. What kind of people... who is really good to you and who is really fake to you.. all is out.. Hoe they treat me like a theft.. How they push me in the room and question you?? And how i survive without the big tree - my superior that reallly appreciate me and never take me for granted.. all really give me a big impact..

Never expect can be so realistic... And no humanity.. How they treat old staff and people that really work day and night for them.. Is all count nothing.. at the end,I just leave like a theft..

And how miserable a higher position personnel need to leave the subordinate behind.. How heavy heart... I just cant imagine.. Me only with 3 musketeers with me.. I have such a heavy heart.. Tears just keep hunting me.. But thanks to this bunch that always by my side to cherish me throught the day and make my day easier..

What a big mistake!!

Reading the last two blog that i had here.. make me realize it is actually such a big mistake of me to have my biggest concern about you. Reading the blog on how sorry i was to concern and worry how do i tell you that i am leaving.. is really such a big mistake..

After i left and after so many months and finally the reality is out.. Now it make me understand your messenger message should i leave or stay.. I always thought u are the innocent one and i felt so sorry bout you.. but unluckily.. I was wrong.. I was the fool again.. I just didnt realize u kept such a big secret behind.. and most importantly.. I take ur words so heavily and hold dearly that u mean it. But everything just throw to my face that u really really take me for granted...

What hurt me most.. not the politics or tactics that u ever use to survive in the office or your position.. but is the way u take granted of our friendship.. It really really hurts..

A person that highly engraved with friendship ever tag up with someone that take friendship is nothing but more of a tool to secure your own position...

I am even that fool to choose to believe you and ended up not believe my own superior.. protected u in front of my own superior that always stand by me and belief me... I choose to believe you rather than her... What a big fool!!! I am really wrong and u are the one that proof me wrong!!

Is really cruel of you this young lady... You tear off our friendship... for once and more!!!!