Career and Humanity

A few post about my past.. maybe a post on my current and future...

Hahaha.. i also dunno..

actually there is really to post here.. But pro and cons.. as they will lots to reflect back once i post.. Do i really wan to reflect myself to look at the reality that i am trying to hide.

Unanswered..

Anyway.. my current career... really a big change.. I do not know correct or wrong.. nor there is an opportunity for me to look back or stop and consider..

I always think not to think much and go on.. cause i know there is so much there is pulling me back and not letting me a chance to consider a yes or no.. Cause i am not willing to be force to that extreme..

And i know if i do.. A "NO" i hurt plenty of people.. I hurt myself and yet the one that i always hope I not too.. "Her"..

But this does not stop from thinking what i am really doing.. I try very hard to get the answer i cant. I try find the answer from my boss my superior.. but unfortunately.. and most surprise.. no answer from them.. They also DUNNO.. So does that mean a real problem!!! I really do not want to answer.. I am hopeless..

Things are challenging here in my career.. i am not sure whether am i just working or building a career or am i put everything on table to gamble...I have nno idea.. I obviously know i am LOSt.. Lost with no returns..

Working environment changess, working authorities and working pattern change.. More and more i realize is not who i am.. or what and who i wish i am.. Environment and social impact.. I need to adapt to survive.. I do not like myself to be like that.. I hope i can be myself.. but things are telling me i cant... Everyday to work, is like putting ur mask..

Really different, work with her i feel so relax and i can be myself.. but to work with him.. I jsut need to pretend and continue pretending to be someone he want me to be.. And for a simple reason, i need to continue waht i am doing was because i need to do it for her as she need to rely on him..

So, there is no more excuses to be argue but to be what it is...

She have faith on me.. She help me a lot.. She teach me a lot.. and think highly on me.. If i ever fall I know she will be deeply saddened and upset.. So how can i hurt her even once!!!